My kidneys hate me, therefore they produce mutant rocks of calcium (Kidney Stones) frequently in my kidneys so they will accumulate and turn into a mass sharp pointy rock of pain. My Urologist told me one stone was going rogue, so I needed to have a procedure to bust them. Cool Deal. The bad part to this is I am not a normal human being when given anesthesia. Not only do I like to tell stories about people I don’t know with diabetes and shout profanities in the recovery room, but I also will stay up for days. Most people can have surgery, go home, then have a nice long peaceful day of sleeping. Not me. Anesthesia is apparently my Aderall, and I come home and play “Clean, Organize, and Alphabetize everything in the shortest amount of time possible! Ready, GO!!” Since I have been known to behave this way, my doctor wrote me a prescription for Ambien (which I had never taken before).
That day while I was taken a break from cleaning, for some unknown terrible reason, I decided I would watch the first Paranormal Activity by myself. Of course, when you watch a movie during the daytime it seems completely harmless. “Haha, ghosts? What ghosts? I’m not afraid of anything” But then when night falls, all those images start to slowly creep back into my mind, like a stream of photos embedded in my brain. I should also state that I think my brain has a passive aggressive problem; anytime I tell myself to not think of something, my brain immediately plays said thing repetitively. So, I take my ambien, lie down, and am immediately ambushed with horrible images of baby powdered demon footprints and whatnot. I become terrified, and immediately grab my laptop for a safe haven. Flooded with its warm glowing light, I go to Gawker’s website and comfort myself with stories about transvestites and arson.
I read for maybe 30 minutes and I start to notice that I feel a little strange, like I am already asleep, but I know I’m still awake. It’s almost like I’m dreaming and am aware it’s a dream, and I feel kind of tingly. I continue to stare at the computer screen and I see an image to my left. I am filled with fear that I am going to have to eat my words about said ghost earlier, but when I dart my eyes that direction I see no ghost, but I do see Beaker from The Muppets.
Most people would probably be concerned that they were talking with a fictional Muppet, but not not I. At that time, I also notice something to my right, and it’s the main The Wild Things character! I wave, he smiles, and I am pleased with my new friends. They all crowd into bed with me, and we start to read more articles together, commenting on things we are most amused by. In reality, I was a 20 year old girl giggling to herself in bed while reading Gawker, and still living in her parents’ house. But in magical Ambien Dream Land, I was having a great time with my new friends. And that is how I had a slumber party with fictional children’s book characters.